A doting father, estranged from his teenage daughter, was excited about having sent his princess a Children’s Day gift. In my head, as I shared the joy in that trail of conversation, I braked to realize I had not even wished my (four) children “Happy Children’s Day.” I was more elated that the school had mercy on us ‘parent folk’ and had not declared a holiday. Raising four children in this generation has automatically qualified ‘Spielberg and me’ for a free lifetime membership at Jurassic Park. There is no Children’s Day in that Park, just a daily race of the survival of the fittest. There is adventure galore, survival and patience skills tested, “trial, travail and error” method of team work, but what keeps us all on course is knowing that we need to stay alive to get across that Park and onto safe ground. Easier said than done!
A doting father, estranged from his teenage daughter, was excited about having sent his princess a Children’s Day gift. In my head, as I shared the joy in that trail of conversation, I braked to realize I had not even wished my (four) children “Happy Children’s Day.” I was more elated that the school had mercy on us ‘parent folk’ and had not declared a holiday. Raising four children in this generation has automatically qualified ‘Spielberg and me’ for a free lifetime membership at Jurassic Park. There is no Children’s Day in that Park, just a daily race of the survival of the fittest. There is adventure galore, survival and patience skills tested, “trial, travail and error” method of team work, but what keeps us all on course is knowing that we need to stay alive to get across that Park and onto safe ground. Easier said than done!
As parents, we find ourselves on the front lines of what we call ‘battle’ but is actually a simple duty call (gift) to raise a whole new generation, every day. We envision the path ahead for each of our little soldiers, teach them survival skills to overcome hurdles and deal with opposition. Raising empathetic children who will look out to help those trudging along wearily in this battlefield is true courage. And most importantly, ‘letting go’ at that precise moment when our children have seen a different path ahead for themselves is the crux of the parenting manual. Parents must concede, gracefully! Conquering new territory, exulting in victory but not for fame or gain, but for the sheer thrill of having gained insight into the potential within, should serve as enough motivation for our children. Our Role– provide the environment to learn, fail, succeed, fall, get up and cross the finish line!
Every parent wants their child to be the leader. Our rose-tinted spectacles see our children growing to be excellent, top notch and courageous. Born to Win! But, some of us prefer them to be passionate and kind, to see their actions inspire other people to be their best. All is fair in love and war, so here are a few key weapons for that battlefield:
Dare your children to DREAM
Encourage children to dream. To dream of the stars, the moon and the sky. Dream of how to get there or be one. Allow them the freedom of their dreams. Not ours! To be a dreamer, thinker and doer, the child needs to see ‘Possibility’ everywhere. Let us not box them, draw boundaries or clip their wings.When they are awake, they are in one common world, but each of them when asleep is in a world of his or her own. Their lives should be a blossom of the bud they saw in their dreams.
Model the ‘CHARACTER’ you wish to see
The daily ‘little’ things are what mould children into the ‘people’ they will eventually become. Our ‘Spongebobs’ watch us with those little innocent wide eyes, absorbing our every word and behavior like a sponge. They are attuned to our every emotion, the behavior we demonstrate in response to ‘our’ strong emotions—as well as how we react and respond to ‘their’ emotions. Emotional Intelligence is the watchword—the intangible “something” in each one of us that affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities and make personal decisions that achieve positive results.
Our children learn Emotional Intelligence from us, plain and simple. In leadership positions (just in case our eyes are still on the ‘leader’ tag for our child), Emotional Quotient (EQ) is one of the biggest drivers of success in leadership positions. Do we look to develop their EQ—to accurately identify their emotions as they happen? Children who have had a leg up in leadership and in life, have developed a high level of EQ over the years and carried these skills into adulthood. Christina Hariharan, a mom who just had her 18-year old son, Rohan, leave the nest always believed in the “love, teach and lead” method. “When I say ‘lead,’ I mean more by ‘living’ and ‘behaving’ the way I want my son to be, rather than teach him one thing and do another thing. In that process, I was also moulded. The process involved a lot of investment of time and love, but I can see Rohan turning out to be a confident young man of good character and values, aiming to excel in his field of interest, with love for fellow human beings. A deep faith in God is what has helped me and will help him too,” she believes.
Allow them to ‘EXPERIENCE’ Failure coupled with Risk
Success does not come by sitting in the boat, but daring to step out of it. If we cannot bring ourselves to allow our children to take risks, maybe even fail and reap the consequences, chances are that they will not ‘lead.’ Any leader will boast of taking appropriate risks until he or she has tasted the bitter taste of failure, to pave the road to success. When we shield our children from failure in order to boost their self-esteem, they have trouble tolerating the failure required to succeed as a leader. BUT, children need our support when they fail, they need to know we care. They need to know that while failure stings, our unstinted support allows them to feel the intensity of the experience even as they crawl out to the other side—solid character building for future leaders.
DELAY Instant Gratification
Overindulging children limits their development as leaders. LEARN TO SAY NO! Delay gratification and allow them to work hard for things that are really important. Setting goals and helping them experience the exhilaration of crossing the finish line embeds diligence and patience in the very fibre of their being. Thus, the pitfall of instant gratification for momentary pleasure can be avoided, which never really births success at any level.
Let children FIGURE out their own Problems
Self-sufficiency is a must for a leader. As parents, when we solve our children’s problems for them, every time, we stifle their critical ability to stand on their own two feet. Even the eagle stirs its nest when it is time for her little ones to soar. Children who always have someone swooping in to rescue them and clean up their mess, spend their whole lives waiting for this to happen. Leaders take action. They take charge. They are responsible and accountable. Make certain your children are as well.
Refrain from Obsessing about ACHIEVEMENT. It makes them believe it is all about the Individual
Focusing on individual achievement sends the wrong signals to our children about how work gets done in the real world. True leaders surround themselves with great people. They don’t go it alone! Awards and excellent grades are great but rarely does it make the man or the woman, let alone the Leader! In real life, our children will have to learn how to turn the wheels of the workforce or turn the grindstone at home, with ‘people.’ All sorts! Teach them to achieve alongside ‘people.’ Sports and music provide good soil for them to grow as “team workers” and not just as CEO's or icons with the dazzling awards in hand. No man will make a great leader who wants to do it all himself or get all the credit for doing it.” – Andrew Carnegie
Remove your hallowed Mask, show them you are HUMAN
Vulnerability is a good teacher. By projecting our ‘superhero’ or ‘supermom’ image, children believe being infallible is key to being a leader. “Don’t cry like a baby or like a girl” is a clincher for boys to grow up thinking they ought not to show emotions. Being able to see one’s mistakes, admitting them and apologizing for them and making amends or changes are cornerstones. Our future leaders must be able to process their mistakes, learn from them and move forward to be better people. And children can do this only when they see a ‘real’ person in ‘real’ life teach them how to process mistakes and learn from them.
Choose to ADAPT, in thought and word
It is imperative we learn to change and adapt as we ride the roller coaster of life with our children. Our childhood baggage and the age-old bullock-cart approach of whipping to plod along, slows down the progress of our child as well as ourselves, as wholesome individuals. Death and life is in the power of the tongue. If our words are constantly nagging and harsh, a child will 'wilt' not 'bloom.' Take a day to record and replay in your mind the words you speak to your child every day. Hear your own voice. Most often, voices from your past will 'echo' back. Some good, some bad, some ugly! They shaped you, and you shape your children. Children bloom best under a caress, never under a sting.
Anita, a pre-school educationalist and a devoted mother of two young “sparkly sons” says, “My perception on raising my children has evolved over the years. I've learnt it is crucial to raise your child with intention and mindfulness. Their baby days turn into toddler months and soon enough we are in their teenage years. So, if your parenting isn't intentional, you may lose out on the opportunity to raise a more caring, capable and communicative human being. And what bigger regret could there be? When I look at my children, I aim to see the purpose God has placed in their lives and through all my roller coaster days, most nights I turn in determined to start the next day helping them find their purpose. We know it starts with a spark, and for every child it is a different spark. This makes it imperative for me to discover their strengths and their passion, guiding them to be and reach their best.”
“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” – John Quincy Adams