Victoria Beckham chewing them at parties – and other unusual uses for coffee beans

Victoria Beckham is a barrel of laughs. She recently informed her Instagram followers that she starts the day with two tablespoons of organic cider vinegar to aid her digestion. Now come reports that she has taken to chewing coffee beans on nights out instead of fulfilling her patriotic duty to guzzle wine. “Brooklyn really isn’t a fan,” the Sun claims, according to sources close to her son. “In fact, he’s pretty disgusted by it.”

Ever since it burst out of the Ethiopian goatherd scene in the ninth century, people have been intrigued by coffee’s many uses. As the world’s second-most traded commodity, after oil, it certainly gets around. But it has taken an era of crafting and listicles to push that point home mercilessly. Here are some of the best applications.

Compost: Rich in phosphorus, potassium, magnesium, and copper, many gardeners swear by it.

Shampoo: Make an extra-strong pot, let it cool, apply to hair, leave for 20 minutes. Caffeine is also proffered as a treatment to stimulate hair growth.

Plumbing aid: Unclog the sink by using a kettle of boiling water, five drops of dishwashing liquid and a cafetière of coffee grounds. Pour it down the garbage disposal to sharpen the blades.

Food enhancer: Coffee is an excellent “secret ingredient”. It makes steaks taste rich and woody and adds bite to chili, ice-cream, chocolate cake, and cheese.

Nose cleanser: Perfume-testing? Sniff coffee between smells to reset your nasal palate. Rub grounds on your hands to remove onion and garlic odours.

Furniture repairer: Daub some into a scratch to dye it back to normal. Doesn’t work on ivory.

Map ager: A classic tactic of schoolboys and forgers alike. Rub coffee into a paper to make it look ancient.

Insect repellant: Dilute some in water and spritz it on plants – really annoys aphids. Also alleged to work as a mosquito repellent, as in this video.

Flower transitioner: Turn your hydrangeas blue with coffee’s natural acidity.